Before digging in today, spend the five minutes to read this article.
Done? Great.
I remember hearing those words from my high school counselor. She continued, “You should try the local state school, it’ll be easier for you to get in“. No mention of transferring, community college, or even discussion of reaching out to USC to inquire about other avenues of admissions. It didn’t sting but it was a reaffirmation of everything I had felt and known while I was in high school. I was different and I wasn’t good enough. I hated sports, I didn’t know how to dress, or “fit in”, whatever that means. Most of my teachers, classmates, the administration staff, and counselors all thought I had an attitude problem.
They thought one day I would “snap” (their words).
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I was the first born, from an Asian family, to attend high school here in the States. My parents are both highly educated, making their version of the Dream work for their three kids. It wasn’t always smooth sailing growing up but I remember coming from a home where both parents cared and loved greatly. I just didn’t fit in at school. I was too busy trying to reconcile what my parents expected out of my grades versus what it meant to be an Asian American high school student.
Let’s frame my story a bit further: Monday through Friday, I would attend a Christian Baptist high school, predominantly white, upper-middle class families; Saturday and Sunday would include homework, studying, going to the Buddhist temple with my parents, and the high possibility of church on Sunday morning. Weekdays and weeknights, my Dad was running his own company and my Mom was working for the Department of Homeland Security while obtaining her Master’s degree in public policy. See where I’m coming from now?
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Monday morning was faced with dread. I was constantly bullied and picked on, I thought trying out for sports was a good way to help. I didn’t even make the flag football team in junior high.
Starting with an example of the negativity… We had an assignment to interview a grand parent or relative about their WWII experience. Simple enough, right? Try explaining to a high school history teacher, that you have no relatives living near by, or that can be easily reached with a phone call. It sounds like the perfect excuse to not get the assignment done, right? My Dad and I spent hours that weekend coming up with a fake story just so I could finish this assignment. Keep in mind, there was no FaceTime or Skype, let alone the idea of Facebook.
The one teacher that finally got it? My computer science professor, Mr. Moffatt. In his classroom and behind the keyboard, nothing could touch me. I found my calling in that class. I also found my path out of high school. I put all my energy into finishing high school so I could graduate and get into to USC to study computer science.
A few years later, the rest is history. I have my USC degree hanging proudly in my home office, alongside my other medals and keepsakes from my adult accomplishments.
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Speaking to the article now, I wish more educators understood the impact of their words to the students. I’m not talking about coddling and giving students pats on the back when they actually show up. There still needs to be a firmness to the approach of education but perhaps asking the simple question of, why? Why is the student misbehaving so often? Why is the student getting picked on? Why do the other students feel compelled to pick on other students?
My high school counselors never asked why. They attempted to solve the symptoms of getting bullied, even suggesting I transfer to a different school. The point of this article is not a SOB story about my shitty high school experience. The point is to get you to participate and get involved.
The high school education system and educators aren’t built to scale knowledge growth in the areas of cultural and behavioral diversity. There’s not enough time, money, resources, understanding, or staff to combat this issue. Why spend the time helping a dysfunctional student, when you’re underpaid and trying to get the rest of the kids that “fit in” to graduate?
The time is ripe for change. It’s time to change the way we approach high school education and how we treat students. I think it’s time to pay attention and give students the opportunities they deserve. The real world, as we’re all coming to find, is full of diversity. It does not get any easier to “fit in” as you get older. There’s still a subtle pressure to assimilate, even as an adult even though the trend of late is stop caring what others think. It’s hard to break old habits.
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I encourage people to get involved. Mentor, provide internships, guide the younger generation through the choppy waters of high school and college. Tell people they will succeed. Don’t hold others back from achieving their dreams nor should you ever tell a young person they can’t do something. True to youth, they’ll go out and do it anyways to prove you wrong. So why not provide them with the tools and tactics necessary to blaze a path forward for themselves?