Student conversations floated through the air, including the smell of the food court and the stale carpet. My Dad and I were sitting at my favorite table by the windows facing the university courtyard, (one of the only ones that had a power outlet) he had come to the USC campus to take me to the airport later that day; it was a rare opportunity to show him the campus and actually catch up with him. Even though I still lived at home, commuting to and from the school meant I only went home to sleep and shower, the rest of my time was occupied by being on campus.
I was halfway through my meal, when my Dad asked me, “What’s your rush?”
I took a long gaze out the window.
We had been talking about an upcoming job interview and what I wanted to do after college. At that point in my life, I wanted to make money, as fast as possible, be successful (which at the time I hadn’t even defined clearly), and live life as a fresh-out college grad. I was surrounded by a lot of driven, rich, and successful students. I had been eager the last two years at USC to get out into the world and make my mark.
Something happened to me, during those short years in university. I managed to find, time is ultimately your most valuable asset. Time to learn, time to decompress, time to take care of yourself, time to give to other people. At the end of the day (pun intended) we don’t really control the time that’s given to us, we can only control how we spend what’s been allotted.
***
“You’re going to do just fine at this company! We’ll look out for you, you’re doing great work! We’ve been working here for 30 years, this is where you belong!” My coworkers were flattering me while we made our way through mediocre airport food in Chicago O’Hare airport, after a bitterly cold week spent in Ottawa performing vendor work. I was ecstatic to receive the praise. Everything I had worked for, seemed to add up in the moment. It was the idea of security, an elegant career path, a management role at an engineering company, complete with the white picket fence, a future wife, and a semblance of financial security.
A few years (one lay-off, several moves, a break-up, a wedding, and a handful of companies later) I sit here back in the Bay Area, mulling over that same question, over, and over. My wife and I see change (and a shortage of time) as a forcing function to allow us to spend time the way we want. It helps us fight complacency in our personal and professional lives. It gives us purpose to how we structure and live our lives, and lets the both of us focus on the things that we deem are valuable.
While my aforementioned coworkers were being thoughtful and looking out for me, I’m glad I moved my career on and pushed myself to spend time in other places performing other responsibilities.
***
I sit here, mulling over the time with my siblings and my parents. How some of it was well spent, how as a youth, how I squandered too much of it away, how I always want more. I read this beautiful piece tonight and reminded me again, don’t squander time. The article is quite coincidental, seeing that my friends and I all ride motorcycles, with the plan to ride to Alaska sooner than later. Things have changed for a lot of us that want to go on that ride, jobs, different cities, marriages, divorce, life circumstances. Some of those things were in our control, others not so much.
These types of stories always surface, my last manager even shared of something similar about his coworker (let’s call him Bob) that was waiting until retirement to go on a round-the-world trip, golfing. Bob worked for nearly 40 years, had the grand retirement party, received his last check, and went home that evening.
Bob passed away 3 days later at home without ever going on that trip.
***
I looked back at my Dad and told him, “I just want to live life before it’s too late to enjoy it.”
It’s been some time since I’ve seen my own father as he’s still working away in Malaysia, with little to no contact.
It feels that time keeps speeding up, the days growing shorter. A few years after I graduated and moved back to LA, he and my mother had met the ends of their relationship, he decided to move back to Malaysia after their divorce.
I never stopped to consider living life to be a double-edged sword of happiness and sorrow. It’s always been a balancing act, taking the time to work hard but also taking the time to enjoy achievements, family, and all those things that I value.
I guess this is just a reminder to myself, don’t take anything in life fore granted, enjoy the things you love, invest your energy wisely, and value the time you have. It’s also a reminder to myself, it’s okay to spend time to grieve loss. Something I haven’t done in a long, long, time.
***
That was the last time I had a chicken pesto sandwich on campus – and one of the best moments in time I had with my father.
- Jonathan