This essay is broken up into three parts and I will publish each piece separately over the next few days:

• The Feedback Monster
• Catastrophic Failure
• I Dare You

I hope you find the writing enlightening, educational, and empathetic.

Weeks ago, a close friend and I were enjoying beers, catching up. I lamented several stories about my professional journey, sharing ups and downs in my 15+ years of working in technology.

I shared some particularly acute stories about my personal journey and how being a minority is challenging. It must have been the beer, because I had a terrible explanation when he asked, “What can I do better?”

So. Thomas (names have been changed). This one is for you.

This essay is a culmination of personal experiences, as well as shared stories from those around me in my professional and private circle. All opinions are my own and no one else’s.

After reading this essay, it is my intent that you:

• Have heightened awareness to the minority experience in corporate America.
• Increase your knowledge and context in how you apply feedback and foster growth.
• Take action to support, sponsor, and grow those around you.

The Feedback Monster

The minority experience in corporate America is fraught with peril. Everything you say or do can be scrutinized, marginalized, or ignored. Days and weeks are spent crafting emails, messages, or ideas.

What is peril in this context? Peril is the very real possibility you will be penalized for speaking your mind, making a minor mistake, or even attending any meeting being slightly unprepared.

What is a penalty? Feedback.

It takes the following form:

You weren’t clear when you were articulating that thought.

You cursed too much in that meeting.

You didn’t consider ALL the options for that solution.

Use this word versus that other word.

Did you run this past your manager already?

What do others think of this idea?

Our inputs are met with constant feedback, criticism, and skepticism.

We pay a significant tax. This tax comes in the form of ensuring we’re meeting goals, understanding business requirements, and striving to be heard, acknowledged, and valued.

The challenge becomes, demonstrating to a broad audience, we’re just as good as “everyone else”.

The truth is, we’ve always been good, if not better than, “everyone else”.

This creates and feeds a “feedback monster”.

We spend an immense amount of time interpreting, “Do I take this feedback as true, legitimate input or do I file this away as an attack on my abilities?”

Because, I can tell you, it’s often the latter.

Why is it the latter?

When compared to those that are in the majority, in most cases, we’re being held to a much higher standard than our non-minority peers. This is evident when you look at salaries, titles, and promotions across a non-homogenous group of peers. A simple Google search results in hundreds of hits.

So.

When we receive feedback and we witness our peers’ lack of polished behavior, ill-formed work product, ill-planned solutions, or laissez-faire work ethos, this monster, looms in the corner of the conference room (or that dark part of your Zoom call).

But, you’ll never see or hear us complain. You’ll never hear us bemoan the feedback.

Thank you.

We say thank you.

We hear, acknowledge, and receive that feedback, and push ourselves to be better. At some point though – there is no better. We’re doing everything in our power to be the best. We become the best.

Then the system hits a failure point.